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Humor Interesting New Products or Services RTD Original

Gifts That Are 100% Fitting for A Year Like 2020

Few things are universally agreeable. But the fact that 2020 is the shittiest year in at least the last 50 years is not debatable. With that in mind, it seems appropriate to make your Christmas gifts for 2020 as memorable as this terrible year itself.

For the Ornament-A-Year Person

Plenty of people get a new ornament for their tree each year that helps them recall the events of that past year. In 2020, there are few ornaments more fitting than this toilet reindeer.

For the Sour Person With a Sweet Tooth

It’s always nice to give something a little sweet for Christmas, but this year, let’s be honest with the people on our list that we don’t know well enough to get something more substantial and just tell them to eat a dick already.

For Your Naughty Female Friend

While we’re on the subject, here’s something certain to tickle your lady-friend’s fancy while reminding them that they are most certainly on the naughty list.

For Your Friend that Never Grew Up

Some people seem determined to be kids forever. Here’s a way to say “I accept you, but also, you’re a total prick” -meet the Dickosaurus.

For the Person Who Needs to Look at the Bright Side

We’re all hoping something beautiful will eventually grow out of the pile of shit that was 2020, and there may be no better way to express that sentiment than with this piece of shit in a box that is actually a clump of dirt filled with wildflower seeds. Really, this gift isn’t half as shitty as it seems

For the Person Convinced 2021 Will be Just as Shitty

Shopping for a doomsayer who keeps saying that 2021 isn’t going to be any better than 2020? Then remind them of how crappy life can be with this calendar of dogs pooping. Besides, who doesn’t love a good dog calendar?

For the Cynic Who Wants to Create a More Beautiful World

Some people are always talking about how terrible everything is, but still constantly dream about a way to make the world better. This crayon set with offensive color names like “boner pill blue” and “suspicious cold sore” is a perfect way to remind them of the realities of their world while letting them draw a more pleasant place to be.

For Your Co-Worker Who is a Real Dick

Ordinarily, you couldn’t give this Christmas dick mug to a co-worker without getting reported to HR. But this year, you just might be lucky enough to end up with your co-worker’s addresses and that means you can send this anonymously without putting your job on the line.

Looking for more products well suited to 2020? Don’t miss this list of items that can make your continued quarantine slightly less terrible. And if you’re looking for something new to do while you’re bored at home, don’t miss these great DIY kits featured on Etsy.


Note: While we only post about things we actually enjoy, this post may contain affiliate links which could provide us a small commission for any related sales

Categories
Crafts Geekery Humor Interesting New Products or Services Politics RTD Original

Products to Make Continued Self-Isolation Moderately Tolerable

By now, we’re all getting used to being locked in our house and staying six feet away from everyone. While officials are discussing reopening America, experts warn that the coronavirus will be around a lot longer than we’d all like. Indeed, even if you can go back to the office in the next month or two, bars, clubs, social gatherings and more are likely to remain closed to encourage social distancing for the foreseeable future. These products are a great way to help keep your spirits up through what will likely be the first year without a summer since 1816. As a bonus, since they’re all sold through Etsy, you’ll be helping to support small businesses, artisans and crafters who can all use a little boost right now.

Coronavirus Crochet Plushie

coronavirus crochet plushie

While no one really wants to cuddle with Covid-19, if you are feeling some severe anxiety about the global pandemic, cuddling with a cute and cuddly coronavirus crochet plushie like this one by Skyz Wonders might help you feel a little more comfortable with our current situation.

Quarantine Dreams Painting

Quarantine Dreams Painting

With our reality changing so dramatically in so little time, it’s only natural that many of us have been having some strange dreams as of late. Stir Crazy Folk Art did an amazing job expressing some of these strange feelings with this charmingly strange quarantine dreams painting.

A Quarantine Birthday Party Banner

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Ain’t no party like a quarantine birthday party because a quarantine birthday party isn’t really a birthday party at all but an exercise in fighting of the horrendous loneliness we’re all feeling right now. Yeah, sorry about that birthday boys and girls, but if you want to try to get your spirits up despite the isolation, this quarantine birthday party banner by A Banner Boutique is a great place to start.

Stay the Fuck Home Candle

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There’s no better way to relax after a hard day than a nice scented candle and this one is here to remind you that you’re doing your part by staying the fuck home. Of course, a trip to Costco right now will make you long to come home and light up this stay the fuck at home candle by Baum Design Shop.

Luxurious, Botanical-Filled Hand Sanitizer

luxurious, botanical-filled hand sanitizer

These days, everyone needs hand sanitizer wherever they go. But why settle for something that ravages your hands, when you could instead get luxurious, botanical-filled hand sanitizer that still meets the CDC’s minimum requirements for 60% ethanol alcohol? This pink lemonade hand sanitizer is moisturizing and still kills 99.9% of germs according to seller Love Amour Propre.

Dr. Fauci Prayer Candle

Dr. Fauci Prayer Candle

We all need some higher power to believe in right now and many people are finding no better source of comfort than Dr. Fauci. You can send your prayers his way with this charming Dr. Fauci prayer candle by Alternative Waxx.

Leather Cthluhu Tentacle Mask

Leather Cthulhu Tentacle face mask

Since you’re no longer supposed to leave your house without a face mask these days, you may as well get one that you’re proud to wear. This leather cthulhu tentacles face mask by Uchronictime also helps you with social distancing.

I Washed My Hands Before Writing This Card

I washed my hands before writing this card

It’s more important than ever to shorten the distance between you and your loved ones (from a metaphorical standpoint while always staying at least six feet away). With that in mind reach across the divide with this lovely card by The New Aesthetic that clarifies “I washed my hands before writing this card.”

Note: While we only post about things we actually enjoy, this post may contain affiliate links which could provide us a small commission for any related sales.

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Advertising Crafts Funny Humor Interesting Politics

Revel in the Dumpster Fire of Modern Life With a Dumpster Fire Candle

dumpster fire candles

Dumpster fire is such a commonly used term these days that it was even added to Merriam-Webster in 2018. But it’s one thing to say you’re surrounded by dumpster fires and another thing to illustrate your point actually surround yourself with burning dumpsters. Unfortunately, that isn’t only impractical to do in most apartments, it’s also a fire hazard and rather stinky. Not to worry though, because Dumpster Fire Candles has you covered with tiny dumpsters in an array of colors and scents that look and smell a lot better than the real thing. In fact, some of the scents sound pretty yummy, like You Ruined Christmas, which smells like “cedar wood, fir and shitty gifts” or Resting Beach Face that features “ocean, orchid and judgment.”

dumpster fire candles

Looking for something that maybe doesn’t look like a dumpster fire, but actually smells like one? Don’t worry, Wilderness Road Wicks has just what you’re looking for with their White House Dumpster Fire candle, which smells of “smells like the embers of the Constitution, festering piles of fresh hell, and schemes of peculation.” Alternatively, you can buy some Trump Repellent which the listing reads is “for when you want to chase away all the covfefe and Make America America Again. We promise this candle contains no artificial orange colorants or alternative fact additives.”

It’s all enough to make you need to be Heavily Medicated!


Categories
Geekery Holidays Humor

The Weather Outside is Frightful, but These Christmas Cards Are Delightful

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It’s always nice to get a Christmas card, but it’s even better when you get a geeky card that also makes you laugh. While I can’t help you get better Christmas cards, I can tell you where to find better ones and I suggest heading to Castle McQuade’s Etsy shop, where you can get delightfully geeky cards such as these.

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Designs include geek favorites, including Harry Potter, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, X-Files, Die Hard and more. And each one not only has cool artwork, but also a great punchline.

So checkout the cards over on Etsy

Via Nerd Approved

Categories
Animals Geekery Humor Videos

The Addams’ Family Bird

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He’s creepy and he’s kooky. He’s all together spooky -the Addams birdie. You gotta love how he replicates the clicks with the head. It seems like he really is a member of the Addams’ clan.

Via Huffington Post

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Advertising Humor

Types of students you’ll meet in lectures

In college, there are different types of students, and commonly the observation is made while attending lectures. To tell the type of student one is dealing with, the distractions portrayed give a guideline. For instance, I met a student one time who asked me, “How much can I pay you so that you can do the best essay for me?” Immediately, I could tell this is a student who does not attend lectures and probably busy running some business while still in college, which from the look of things was lucrative. Since he does not have the time for lectures, he is willing to pay and still pass the exams because money is not a problem.

Below is a discussion of the various types of students in colleges.

1) He/ She spends five hours on her hair and ten minutes working on her essays.
There are many of this kind and in a college they can never miss. It is surprising that whenever one hears of spending ten hours on the hair, only women cross their minds. Nevertheless, there are many men who are caught in this and looking at them one would guess they are from a beauty salon.

2) Those that answer all the questions because they think they know it all
This kind of people can be extremely annoying because you do not understand the reason they are answering all the questions. They do not give anyone time to talk or express a different opinion. Anyone would just feel like telling them, if you only want to hear your voice, you can as well go home and spend all the time agreeing with yourself. This is one of the irritating type one can ever meet.

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3) Those who flirt while others are busy trying to concentrate
The flirters go to an extent of flirting with the professors. They are easily recognized by their fake walking style, fake laughter and with dress codes close to those of a stripper.

4) The phone fanatics that will spend the whole time during a lecture on the phone then later borrow notes
It can be annoying because anyone would get this feeling that we all have phones, but during lectures we choose not to use them and listen as well as write notes. Therefore, no one is an exception. The worst thing, it could be that the person is your friend and in all other aspects they are never annoying.

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5) Those that treat a lecture hall like a fashion show
Students should attend lectures looking appealing and presentable. However, there are some students who exaggerate the dressing code or make-up, which is not necessary because only fashion shows necessitate such conducts.

6) They look angry for no reason
Looking miserable and angry every day is not acceptable. Everyone has one of those days they feel down and probably discouraged, but one cannot be experiencing anger on a daily basis. No one wants to associate with such people.

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7) They read ahead despite the syllabus not being covered
They are always ahead and challenge the rest because they will even read other books that no one has looked at yet.

8) Those that will always ask questions that do not need answers
Instructions are given clearly, but there are people who will never lack a question, regardless of how pointless and stupid it can get.

Categories
Humor Sex

The Best Sex Ed Answers Ever

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This girl was suspended for the answers she gave on this homework assignment. Granted, she used the f-word a few too many times for most high school assignments, but if more kids thought like this, there would be a hell of a lot less STDs and teen pregnancies.

Categories
Animals Food Humor Interesting

These Cats Can’t Get Enough Pizza

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Someone’s got the munchies and for once, it isn’t me or John. These silly felines know the value of a great pizza pie and they aren’t about to sit back and wait their turn to get a slice. And who can blame them? Pizza is just one of those perfect foods that everyone enjoys.

Via That’s Nerdalicious

Categories
Fashion Funny Humor Interesting RTD Original Stupidest Products (or ideas) Ever

Over 60 of The World’s Most Trashy, Ugly, Slutty and Ghetto Prom Dresses

What time is it? It’s not Adventure Time, but it’s something almost as fun -prom season. And while plenty of teens will attend their prom and have a great time this year, even non-attendees can enjoy the celebration by enjoying the trashy, terrible style that these teens are certain to regret sooner rather than later.

She’s Cheaper Than The Dress

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Perfect for: The AVN Awards (aka the award show for porn movies)

What’s wrong with it? My boyfriend swears that this design must be intended to be worn with something under it, but the fact that this is a catalog image indicates that this is really how they intend this dress to be worn.

The bottom line: There are some seriously slutty dresses on this list, but as far as commercially manufactured ones, it’s hard to get more whore-y than this.

The Princess and the Pea Pod

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Perfect for: A pregnant genie

What’s wrong with it? Hey, why let a little thing like a pregnancy stop you from wearing the slutty prom dress of your dreams? And won’t your future baby be proud when he sees what a prominent role he played in your prom dress?

The bottom line: Skanky dresses are bad enough at prom, but accentuating your pregnant belly with a sparkly sash and an outfit that doesn’t cover up much else besides your baby bump is the ultimate in classlessness.

Did That Come on a Cardboard Tube?

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Perfect for: A Charmin commercial or a nudist prom.

What’s wrong with it? Aside from the fact that it looks like pieces of toilet paper tied together, it barely covers her titties or kooter.

The bottom line: If you have to hold the front of your dress closed at the front to avoid a wardrobe malfunction, you probably shouldn’t be wearing it.

The Gold Digger In Training

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Perfect for: The next Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

What’s wrong with it? It looks like there’s more silicone straps on this thing than actual fabric. Seriously she’d probably look less trashy if she wore a bikini to prom.

The bottom line: If you’re already trying this hard to land a rich husband and you haven’t even graduated high school, then your school has failed in giving you any real life skills.

Chaintrosity

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Perfect for: The hooker date of someone attending the Player’s Ball

What’s wrong with it? I don’t know which is worse -the random chains holding the whole monstrosity up, the ample exposed skin or the sheer fabric on the leg area that proves “yes, this dress could be sluttier.”

The bottom line: In all, the whole thing looks like it feel in a garbage disposal before she pulled it back out and said “ehhh, it’s good enough” and went off to prom.

The Showgirl Surprise

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Perfect for: An aspiring flamingo.

What’s wrong with it? The cleavage-loaded top and rhinestones are nothing compared to the ruffly disaster that makes up the skirt and train of these trainwrecks.

The bottom line: Maybe someone on Dancing With the Stars could get away with wearing one of these, but a teenager going to prom shouldn’t even be able to get her beak through the door in this thing.

A Little Off the Top (And Sides, And Middle, And Bottom)

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Perfect for: Three groupies trying to win over Jay-Z after hearing about his marital problems with Beyonce.

What’s wrong with it? To start off with, most high schools would never let you go through the door in any of these dresses for any number of reasons -particularly the fact that the slits all go right up to their panties. Next, the black dresses’ midsection manages to look even more slutty than even the bra-top one because having two strips of fabric basically draws the eye to her gut.

The bottom line: They must have been trying to save fabric because what other excuse is there for cutting out the entire front section of the black dresses’ skirt?

She Blinded Me With Ugly

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Perfect for: An interpretive dance about the lifespan of a butterfly.

What’s wrong with it? The missing sides and excessive cleavage still play second-fiddle to these hideously-trashy fabric.

The bottom line: Unless you’re trying to demonstrate the mating rituals of the native butterflies, there’s practically no excuse to wear something this ugly.

A Confederacy of Dumbasses

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all-american girl

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Perfect for: Anyone inbred enough to lack the cultural understanding, class and decency necessary to know this is a bad idea.

What’s wrong with it? The Confederate flag. Yes, we’ve all heard that it’s not racist, but is really a sign of rebellion, blah, blah, blah, but you know what, the Nazi Swastika is technically only a symbol of the Nationalist Socialist Party, not of their murder of millions of Jewish people, but that doesn’t make it any less offensive.

The bottom line: Leave the Confederate flag to General Lee of the Dukes of Hazard.

Bodysuits and Barebacks

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Perfect for: The next Lady Gaga or Pink.

What’s wrong with it? It looks like she’s wearing a leather diaper over the see-through bodysuit and despite this potty protection, her crack is still hanging out.

The bottom line: Let the pop stars try to be shocking -they’re the only ones with an excuse to get away with wearing saggy-leather diapers.

Saran Duran

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Perfect for: A human-filled car wash machine

What’s wrong with it? The two slits, the exposed stomach and sides and the cleavage are all bad, but that fabric is probably the worst thing about this dress.

The bottom line: If it looks like you could wrap leftovers in it, it probably shouldn’t be worn to prom.

I Don’t Dream of Skankie

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Perfect for: A cheesy metal video from the 80s.

What’s wrong with it? It’s like she grabbed a bra top, paired it with a long skirt and decided that if she really wanted to whore it up, she’d better cut a few squares around the waist of the skirt too.

The bottom line: When it’s impossible to tell if your pubes are out or if that’s just a shadow, you shouldn’t be wearing it.

Where Serial Killers Come From

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Perfect for: This really wouldn’t be a bad figure-skating outfit.

What’s wrong with it? It’s too short, too skimpy and see-through, the real question is “what’s right about it?”

The bottom line: The boy in the background pretty much nailed how we feel about this dress.

Is That A Vagina On Your Dress Or Are You Happy to See Me?

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Perfect for: A woman with the subtlety of a Bond villain.

What’s wrong with it? The subliminal vagina isn’t so much subliminal as just saying “hey, here’s a vagina right over my real vagina.”

The bottom line: It’s less revealing than most of these other dresses, but no less trashy.

Just A Robot

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Perfect for: The hipster girl who pretends she’s above all this, but still desperately wants all the guys to pay attention to her.

What’s wrong with it? Few styles look good in all silver and this is not one of them. As if that weren’t bad enough, the bottom half is just poor-fitting and poorly cut -plus, the amount of leg under this dress makes it look like she forgot to wear the matching skirt.

The bottom line: If you’re going to look like a total slut, at least wear something form-flattering.

Gold and Silver Are A No-Go

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Perfect for: A disco ball.

What’s wrong with it? How do you turn a trashy silver, spandex dress into a formal gown? Apparently by adding beaded curtains to the bottom.

The bottom line: This dress looks like it belongs in a weird, wannabe-sexy Coors ad, but even then it would fail at being sexy or glamorous.

American Slut-peril

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Perfect for: An American Apparel billboard.

What’s wrong with it? Nothing says formal occasion like pleather and mesh

The bottom line: If a dress looks terrible on the model, it probably won’t look great on anyone else and these materials just look terrible together in any situation.

Life In Plastic Ain’t Fantastic

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Perfect for: Barbie’s formal sleepover.

What’s wrong with it? Pink, zebra, a garter, elastic and a dangling belly ring? No, just no.

The bottom line: A pink and zebra pajama pants set with train isn’t a good look for anything but a sleepover.

Sponge Bob Sad Pants

Perfect for: Literally nothing. There is no reason this dress should exist.

What’s wrong with it? Fine, you want to wear a character from a children’s cartoon on your dress -but don’t whore it up. No one wants to think about Sponge Bob and your tits.

The bottom line: Even Sponge Bob is begging you to confiscate this dress and burn it with fire so he can just die in peace and be put out of his misery.

Don’t Poo Pooh On Me?

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Perfect for: Any four year-old’s prom.

What’s wrong with it? Really, without the sluttiness of the Sponge Bob dress, this one isn’t nearly as bad, but the matching suit is pretty terrible and the guy doesn’t really look thrilled to be wearing it either.

The bottom line: Pooh is pretty awesome, but a boot-leg bow-tied version isn’t really the best prom theme.

Jessica Simpson Beta Version

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Perfect for: A wannabe princess who can’t afford alterations or a dress that fits right in the first place.

What’s wrong with it? Sluttiness aside, you know it’s bad when not even the model looks good in this poorly-cut design.

The bottom line: There are worse dresses around, but you’re still not going to impress anyone in this getup.

Hey Shorty

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Perfect for: Those who can’t decide if they want to go formal, semi-formal or hooker in hot pants.

What’s wrong with it? These are all just awful, even the semi-fancy one at the bottom -because, let’s face it, shorts aren’t fancy. If you are going to rock the shorts at least don’t go for a bra top with suspenders look.

The bottom line: Sparkly shorts are pretty much only good for cheerleaders, cabaret dancers and hookers.

World of Whatcraft?

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Perfect for: A role playing convention where you have to make your own characters.

What’s wrong with it? It’s like she put a see-through bustier together with a mermaid skirt and then decided it wasn’t eye-catching enough, so she needed to add some matching blue spikes to the look. Maybe she wanted GWAR to look sexy.

The bottom line: Pretty much everything about this look is terrible.

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Perfect for: Anyone who needs to hide in the bushes and hunt ducks before, during or after attending a formal event.

What’s wrong with it? As I pointed out in the Terribly Trashy Tuxes post, camouflage is pretty much always a poor choice unless you are actually on a military mission or hunting.

The bottom line: When someone tells you the best thing you can do at prom is just “blend in,” this is not what they mean.

 No, You’re Not Balling

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Perfect for: A court-side formal occasion.

What’s wrong with it? There’s nothing wrong with being a sports fan, but like camouflage, there’s a time and a place for your team jersey and it’s not your prom or wedding.

The bottom line: The only excusable reason to have a name and number on the back of your prom dress, is because your prom is in juvenile hall.

Too Much Slut To Shake A Stick At

There are way too many slutty prom dresses to write a lengthy piece about all of them, here’s a giant pile of some of the skankiest ones around.

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If you like this one, don’t miss these terribly trashy wedding dresses.

Categories
Animals Humor Videos

It Wasn’t Me…Was It?

Dogs are crazy when it comes to farts. Half of them fart and get confused by what came out of their bottom and half of them fart and run away to leave you with the stench. But then there’s Rain, who simply hears a fart machine and suddenly thinks he is the culprit, though he just doesn’t understand since he didn’t feel anything come out from back there.

Hey, at least he’s not the one doing it and unlike a lot of humans, he doesn’t try to hide it.

Via Cute Overload