The 10 Trashiest Wedding Dresses

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Your wedding day is supposed to be a sweet and special day that you will remember for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, people with no class rarely gain any just because they’re tying the knot. Here’s 10 reasons you need to teach your kids about the sanctity of marriage -particularly the wedding gown.

10 ) The Detroit Special

Ordinarily I find the term "ghetto wedding" a little offensive, but is there a better word for this tee-shirt and graffiti covered setting?
Ordinarily I find the term ghetto to be a little offensive, but in this case, is there really a better term?

9  ) (Not) The Dream Team

Nothing says "I'll never be more than a two-bit trophy wife, nor will I ever move out of my crummy city" than a dress sporting your favorite sports team.
Nothing says “I’ll never be more than a two-bit trophy wife, nor will I ever move out of my crummy city” than a dress sporting your favorite sports team.

8 ) The “Wait, You Wanted It To Look Like That?”

While I love how many brides have been turning away from white, there's a point where you say "Do I want to look like I skinned a flamingo?" The answer should always be "no."
While I love how many brides have been turning away from white, there’s a point where you say “Do I want to look like I skinned a flamingo?” The answer should always be “no.”

7 ) The “Camel Toe & Side Boob Together At Last”

First off, shorts and camel toe are never a good look for your wedding. Second, when the top looks like suspenders carefully hovering over your nipples, I pray you’re marrying someone as tasteless as yourself -say Michael Jackson?

6 ) The “Is That A Doily You’re Wearing?”

Can you say say slizz-ut? It looks like someone hit her with a net gun and she just decided to work it as a gown.

5 ) The Private Dancer

Thank you to Shessoghetto.wordpress.com for the highlights on the viewer's faces. Seriously, the expressions at this show girl's wedding are great.
Thank you to Shessoghetto.wordpress.com for the highlights on the viewer’s faces. Seriously, the expressions at this showgirl’s wedding are great.

4 ) The “Make Papa Hefner Proud”

Tit's McGee is known for her class and elegance. Seriously, this dress looks like a champagne glass trying to serve as the Hoover dam.
Anyone knick named Tit’s McGee is not known for her class and elegance. Seriously, this dress looks like a champagne glass trying to serve as the Hoover dam.

3 ) The “When I grow up, I wanna be Chelsea Charms.”

I’d love to see her get in a fight with Tits McGee over who looks beter with their obscenely non-existent tops laid out.

2 ) The “Mommy Taught Me Right”

Tacky crystals and a huge train don’t trick anyone into thinking your dress is less trampy.

If you’re wondering what her mother would say, check out this respectful and demure mother of the bride dress. Yes, it does run in the family.

1 ) The “How Much Did Your Wife Cost?”

Russian brides rarely come this easy. Is she going to a wedding or to an auction block?

At least there’s a back to the dress…kind of.

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out its sister post, Terribly Trashy Tuxes.

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