I wrote this story a while ago, but I think it still depicts our modern society and human vs. corporate interactions. Let me know what you think if you read it all -it is rather long.
Dear Crayola Crayon Company,
I am a big fan of your products. Whereas most contemporary artists out grow their crayons, or at least move to the more professional artist style of crayon with less wax and more smudging capabilities, I have stayed true to your red, white and blue -did I mention I am a poet too, just kidding.
I have developed an all new method for crayon art, which involves thick layers and melting in order to smudge the wax colors into each other. I feel it will soon become the “new thing” in the art world. My tool of choice for this style is you Big Box of 120. My favorite shade, good old canary, which is the most satisfying color you make. It seems so calming, yet intriguing like the canaries that served in old mine shafts.
I think you are a great company, not just for children and artists, but for all people. Your advances in political correctness were prompt and decisive. Changing “flesh” in 1962 and Persian blue in 1958 said to the world, “The Crayola Crayon Company does not stand for racism today and we will not tolerate it in the future.” And the brilliance of renaming flesh peach, after a fruit that is known for its flesh really downplayed the fact that you were ever trying to associate it with human skin tones. Your multicultural pack really allows me to represent the diversity of the human race, diversity I know you appreciate.
While I could go on all day singing the praises of your wonderful company and its delightful palate of colors, I have a serious reason for writing this letter. For years you have given out money prizes to worthy children or just at random in your crayon boxes, but you have forgotten about your adult market and let us slide. As the world’s best Crayola Crayon artist, I feel my brand loyalty should be rewarded in some way. As more people turn to my artwork and say “just look how much I could do with Crayola Crayons,” I bring you more and more adult artists. With that in mind, I ask that you sponsor me and my artwork so I can spread it to a larger audience. It is not easy trying to make a living off my art, especially when many contemporaries look down on your products, with a small monthly allowance of $500 and a lifetime supply of Big Boxes, you could support me and my revolutionary artwork.
I have attached a picture of one of my favorite pieces as an example of my talent in order to help sway your opinion. Just think what I could do with your support.
Thank you so much for your time.
June 1, 2004
Dear Ms. Guildman,
I regret to inform you that at this time, we cannot afford to support adult artists. While we appreciate your support and commitment to our products, and your art is a unique testimonial to the variety of styles available through using our crayons, our targeted aged range remains from ages 3-12. Outside of parents, tutors and school teachers, very few adults buy or use our products and we cannot compete in the adult market with the more serious art supply companies out there.
Please accept our deepest apologies and do not allow this to reflect on your crayon company selection in the future.
John L. Lamborniti,
June 25, 2004
Dear Mr. Lamborniti and the rest of the Crayola Crayon Company,
I really do not see how you can pass up this opportunity to support a fledgling young artist just trying to survive on paintings made from your products. It’s not like I shove the crayons in my nose or eat them, well, I do nibble on the scented lilac but who doesn’t?
Perhaps a donation of $500 a month is too high when you get no real return on the investment outside of word of mouth advertising from me and people that have seen my work. While I assure you that more and more people would spread the word as they saw my paintings and that if I had your backing I could get my art seen all over the nation, right now my displays are mostly seen at neighborhood cafes and my Saturday and Sunday sidewalk art sales, maybe I can offer you more incentive. We could draw up a contract and you can have the rights to all my art work for the next year, and we can write in the contract that I will produce a minimum of 20 paintings a month. I can usually pump out one painting in a day, so twenty a month would not be too large of a challenge. Right now my portfolio contains 20 pieces, but I have also been selling off quite a few of them at my sidewalk sales.
Please reconsider your decision not to support my artwork. I really feel that if your company can’t get behind me, no one else will. It is extremely important to me to have your backing.
August 13, 2004
Dear Ms. Guildman,
Again, you have my deepest apologies, but our products are directed towards children, not adults. As such, we feel it would be irresponsible to support an adult artist when we could instead offer scholarships to our more artistically minded average crayon user. I have shown my supervisor your artwork sample and he agrees that while your work is extremely impressive, it is unlikely to inspire more adults to give up their everyday art supplies in favor of the tools they once used as children.
In addition, I must warn you, Crayola crayons are not for consumption and as such, you should refrain from even “nibbling” on even the best scented colors.
Thanks again for your continued support, you have my best wishes towards your art career.
John L. Lamborniti,
August 30, 2004
Dear Crayola Crayon Company,
I really thought you would understand me. I’ve dedicated my life to enhancing the serious reputation of your products and have now come to realize that you don’t care about me. You don’t care about your true customers, the people that really love you and try to help you. I now see my time here has been a waste. Sorry to have wasted your time and the time of anyone else I tried to befriend during my time here. My vision, my art and I have no place in this world and so it is, that with a heavy heart I will kindly remove myself from its Screamin’ Green lands and Wild Blue Yonder waters.
Good bye forever,
Your ever adoring fan,
October 26, 2004
The recent death of Ms. Jane Guildman leaves us with a hole in our hearts. With her unique and beautiful crayon art, Ms. Guildman reawakened adults to our products. Art supply stores are quadrupling their orders, and we have record high usage outside of elementary schools. Parents are buying a box of 8 for their children and a Big Box for themselves. Mrs. Guildman revolutionized the image of our once humble crayons.
With this in mind, I am pleased to announce that we have created a new grant known as the Jane Guildman Memorial Award. It is only offered to people over 18 trying to make a living through crayon art. The one-time $10,000 award will be given annually on the basis of financial need and artistic ingenuity in matters of crayon technique.
Thank you for your continued support.
Frank DeLange, Sr.
Crayola Investor Relations