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5 Sex Toys That Should Not Exist

Here are 5 sex toys that boggle the mind and sicken the imagination. Enjoy your trip through pervert town!

I know that human sexuality is a beautiful, bizarre and complex thing, but as accepting and non-judgmental as I try to be, some things are just not right. There are certain sex inventions that should not be created, sold or used. Why someone would invent these things is weird enough, but the fact that all kinds of people are buying them is even stranger.

Too Vegan?
For starters, don’t play with your food. Not only is it strange, it can also be dangerous if a chunk breaks off -and no one wants to explain that to their doctor. I know that some vegans may think this is a good “green” solution to sex toys, but there are safer, cleaner ones available. If you wanna go crazy with your activity and remain safe, you might be better off using any item from PlugLust.com collections. I mean, food is made for eating., and toys for toying. Plus, you’re supposed to use a condom every time you use one of these, so that in itself is bad for the environment.

Light Up Where the Sun Don’t Shine
I am seriously disturbed by this toy. Anal pleasures can be just that, but to look inside of one’s hole is another story. I’d be seriously worried you might find a corn kernel or worse. And what’s with the awkward, embarrassed girl on the cover? If you’re going to use one of these, at least use it with a bold and brash partner, not one who’s likely to poop her pants with embarrassment.

Where Religion and Sex Intersect
I’m not sure if these are for hardcore atheists or hardcore believers, but either way, getting sexy with a religious icon says you have some serious mental problems. If you love Jesus that much, maybe you should consider quitting the humping and becoming a nun. Or, if you hate him that much, maybe you should just have an orgy with priests and Satanists. Either way seems like a much more effective way to show your feelings about religion.

Breasts Are Best?
These are so anatomically incorrect they make me cringe. I just hope that whoever’s buying and using these hasn’t actually tried to break someone’s sternum and go to town on their partner’s lungs and heart. These seem like an ideal gift for a serial killer, misogynist or virgin.

Animal Lovers?
If you thought those other toys were disturbing, you may want to click away from this page before you learn about the cringe-worthy animal penis dildos. Everything from wolves to pigs to massive horse wangs are available and mostly for under $100 -because even bestiality lovers enjoy a good deal when they see one.

The animal dildo webpage says these are great for people exploring the taboo side of sex and I’d assume that would apply to most of these inventions. If that’s really your only sexual goal, you have some psychiatric problems and should see a shrink before you rape your local priest, lick your mother, molest your dog and make out with the toddler next door. Is it so hard to believe there is a reason some things are considered taboo?

By Jill

Hi, I'm just a crazy writer who spends too much time online.

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