Rue The Day!

I love this post of altered street signs. The one above is the funniest.

Few of you know this, but I have the sick, self-loathing drive to be a stand up comedian. As a result, I get annoyed when people try really hard to be funny and just fall flat…it’s double when the person is a woman because I am annoyed with how unfunny women tend to be.

Anyway, I was listening to the radio this morning and they had a contest where the person with the funniest reasons for their answers to two questions would win a prize. The contestant’s answers were miserable. I know I could do way better and I think you readers could as well.

So, the first person with answers I deem to be funnier than my own will receive a prize -be sure to leave your real email in the comments so I can contact you for your address and whatnot.

Here’s the questions:

What’s the best invention: a hot tub or an internal combustion engine? Same question only: the internet, condoms or birth control?

My answers: An engine is better because it’s a lot easier to clean sperm out of it. The internet’s better because my vibrator is completely useless with the other two.

Can you beat it?

P.S. Image Via Lian Ferrell [Flickr]

Someone didn’t think this one out too well. Click on the image to see it bigger. Thanks Miss Cellania.

Hallmark’s New Slogan: We Care So You Don’t Have To.

How does a gold digging Christian justify her lifestyle? “Jesus saves so I could spend.”

This is by far one of the funniest websites I’ve seen, ever.

These dirt bags are availible at a wide range of prices. I love the compatability test and the article in Mail Order Brides Monthly. This is gold:

“Q: What does it cost the parties involved?

Art: It all depends on the demand. We have an excellent variety of quality bachelors, and the highest demand is for men around 30 years old with lots of hair. For example if you want to order a 52 year old bald man who has bad psioriasis, well then maybe $600.. but say we had a candidate that looked like a young Erik Estrada, well that kind of product doesn’t last long, we typically charge around $9,000.”

Quote of the Day:
“He was so benevolent, so merciful a man that, in his mistaken passion, he would have held an umbrella over a duck in a shower of rain.” -Douglas William Jerrold

Fact of the Day:
Antarctica gets very little snow, so why is there snow on the ground there? Because the snow that does fall on the continent never melts. -Source

Today’s Holiday:
National Tell A Joke Day, sounds like a plan to me.

Link of the Day:
I’m visiting Disneyland today, so in honor of my trip, here are some great images and facts about the secret club at Disneyland that happens to be the only place you can drink at the park.