Pregnancy is a beautiful thing…except for all the hideous and disgusting parts. Learn more about the things no one tells you here.

I love lobster, but I sure wouldn’t want to smell like the so-called cockroach of the sea. Nor would I want to smell like a funeral parlor, a vagina or any of the other horrifying scents from this Oddee article.

If you, like me, never got into the whole Tap NYC thing and actually got tired of hearing about snobby New Yorkers and their supposedly superior tap water (I think San Francisco’s is best personally), then it might make you laugh to learn that the water that is so wonderful that it never needs to be filtered is actually filled with microscopic shrimps.

Or at least, some of them look yummy -like this one with bacon, avacado and sour cream. The corn on the cob surrounded by bacon, hot dogs, cheese sticks and ground beef before it is deepfried is another story. Anyway, they’re all worth taking a big meatly look at.

In case you were wondering, yes, this is a red neck wearing underwear as a top. Let’s hope there aren’t skidmarks on the front.

Do you love the look of jeans with underwear hanging out the top but hate actually wearing underwear? Then you might just be the .0001% of the population who actually likes these pants. Talk about whoreoama!

Wonderfully terrible picture found at Zeitgiest In A Petiole.

10 ) The Detroit Special

Ordinarily I find the term ghetto to be a little offensive, but in this case, is there really a better term?

9  ) (Not) The Dream Team

Nothing says “I’ll never be more than a two-bit trophy wife, nor will I ever move out of my crummy city” than a dress sporting your favorite sports team.

8 ) The “Wait, You Wanted It To Look Like That?”

While I love how many brides have been turning away from white, there’s a point where you say “Do I want to look like I skinned a flamingo?” The answer should always be “no.”

7 ) The “Camel Toe & Side Boob Together At Last”

First off, shorts and camel toe are never a good look for your wedding. Second, when the top looks like suspenders carefully hovering over your nipples, I pray you’re marrying someone as tasteless as yourself -say Michael Jackson?

6 ) The “Is That A Doily You’re Wearing?”

Can you say say slizz-ut? It looks like someone hit her with a net gun and she just decided to work it as a gown.

5 ) The Private Dancer

Thank you to Shessoghetto.wordpress.com for the highlights on the viewer’s faces. Seriously, the expressions at this showgirl’s wedding are great.

4 ) The “Make Papa Hefner Proud”

Anyone knick named Tit’s McGee is not known for her class and elegance. Seriously, this dress looks like a champagne glass trying to serve as the Hoover dam.

3 ) The “When I grow up, I wanna be Chelsea Charms.”

I’d love to see her get in a fight with Tits McGee over who looks beter with their obscenely non-existent tops laid out.

2 ) The “Mommy Taught Me Right”

Tacky crystals and a huge train don’t trick anyone into thinking your dress is less trampy.

If you’re wondering what her mother would say, check out this respectful and demure mother of the bride dress. Yes, it does run in the family.

1 ) The “How Much Did Your Wife Cost?”

Russian brides rarely come this easy. Is she going to a wedding or to an auction block?

At least there’s a back to the dress…kind of.

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out its sister post, Terribly Trashy Tuxes.

Note to self, do not hump holes in a park bench and get stuck. It is embarrassing to get caught being not only a pervert, but a weird l0zer. If only this was in front of the Olympic stadium.

Gentlemen, I know it’s hard for you to maintain perfect facial hair, but inventing a “bowl haircut” for your face, aka the GoateeSaver is not the solution. How does it even stay on your face? Is it uncomfortable? Do you look like a complete tool, during and after use? Wait, I can answer that one…yes!